WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

Hell if I know.

I mean, really, I have no idea. Which, considering my public declaration as an artist,

having no idea what happened at a showing of my work in public seems utterly pathetic.

Not that it was, pathetic I mean. It was by all accounts a fabulous show. It's just that I didn't have any context with witch to measure it by. An art virgin at my age: shocking!, but true.

This should have happened at least thirty years ago. I mean there were artists,( very good ones indeed.) who showed with me younger than that.

It's as if somebody somewhere at sometime long ago put up a sneaky little road sign saying "career this way" with a big red arrow pointing in exactly the opposite direction.

I'm such a sucker for big red arrows.

So, I fret for a week before hand, pack and repack superbly for any contingency, and when the day came to leave, was blasted and basically abused by the airlines for six hours.Then I was whisked away to sanctuary by the formidable and excellent Cat Mihos to stew in my own rancid juices for a day or two.

Just long enough to give my nerves a really good head of steam.

I shouldn't have wasted my time. And nerves. As far as I can tell, I got there, signed a few prints, people came, milled around for several hours and then left. We all went to dinner appallingly late, (for me anyway.) and then I went to sleep.

I keep asking myself, "what actually happened?" I know there were things going on, I could literally feel them as they did, but I'll be damned if I know what they were.

Perhaps I am looking for something that never really existed in any quantifiable form.

Maybe I am so used to subtext I actually need to invent it when there isn't any?

That would be a kick in the head.

Be that as it may, regardless of what I think happened, it did happen and it was very cool. I got to meet old friends, make new ones and dress spiffy for a change. Not a bad deal really.

I do wish I had sold something that night, even though it has as of today, seventeen days to run. Do me a favor, go to Gallery Nucleus and buy a piece for them by me. It would make me happy.

I could by groceries.

M.Z.