DREAMLESS

I suppose I should show up now and then. It's just a bit difficult when essentially I have nothing to say that matters. The book is done. Yay. The question I was absolutely unprepared for was, "what now?"
Oops. Didn't think of that. The bottom has fallen out of my raison d'être. Simply put, I just don't know where to go to re-establish my love of work. The old ideas and concepts seem stale, a bit mouldy about the edges and inedible. And just as perversely, I find that the idea of really painting again on a large scale is slowly becoming more and more attractive. This would be of course suicide, quick and efficient and very painful. I just can not hope to support my family by investing large scale in fresh painting gear.....couldn't afford it anyway. It will be early spring before I can even hope for any returns on the book at all. So, I seem to be facing a very long, cold winter casting about for both renewed inspiration and a decent living.

Everything I try to cast an eye towards in the way of fresh feelings comes back a vague echo of whatever I was hoping to find. A kind of "been there done that" vibe that alternately pisses me off of makes me want to just go hide in a hole. Part of the trouble lies for better or worse is the one salient fact that for ninety-nine percent of the "public out there sees me as strictly a comic book artist, when in fact I was always an artist that did comics. I have no real other mojo.

This HAS to change. I MUST have more options. Damn it.

I guess I'll just have to get through this part. But I'm not happy with things.

And writing it down didn't help.


Later,

M.Z.