Winter roared in from nowhere today........the winds are fierce, the temperature dropping like a rock and the sky's are torn raving gray tatters. Today, when I went into the studio I planned to start yet another insanely detailed commission, but was sidetracked while searching my files for reference by "the folder". I look into it rarely these days.....it all happened a life time ago it seems now a days. And as much as good old fashioned nostalgia can be a sweet thing now and again, there are bits one prefers to leave alone most of the time.
Lucy's folder. Her photo is the last one of the three above. "Winsor's Hiland Blubell." My dear long gone Lucy. Most of the time, as nearly eight years have past since her death, I'm OK with her memory, though not a single day has gone by since then that I haven't remembered her at least in passing sometime during the day. Most of the time. But not today. Today I remember her like she was in the other room, curled up in a chair dreaming Bullie dreams of small furry things to chase.
Lucy, and my first Bullie christened "Bandit" by some unimaginative (of course "Lucy" isn't much better really, but I named her so it's ok.) guy in Florida.....rescued from the needle and brought to Massachusetts so long ago now. Her ashes are in my room on a shelf to this day. And dear Willie........from England and back, now in France at stud. Wonderful old Will's.......the last time I saw him was the day before he went back to the U.K. that cold New England February.
I had gone out to Marion's (Winsor Bull Terriers.) kennels to freshen up water and say goodbye to him. We had grown very close, in fact, there is no other dog I'd rather spend time with, of the Bull Terrier persuasion anyway, then Will's. I remember sitting in his run, his head on my shoulder as we simply spent time together in the wordless way that dogs and men have. I was stareing out the window at a cold, gray February afternoon and for the first time in many years I was free of fear, worry, pain and doubt. Just like that. Just Will's and me in an old dog run, joined somehow beyond words.
It lasted all of ten minutes when I had to get back home, and do something, God knows what.But in the ego centered way we humans have, eventually, we must leave the pure goodness of life and delve into our troll caves of ambition and arrogance. That was the last time I saw Will's and probably, baring a miracle, ever will. His is the second photofrom the top. The only photos I have of Bandit were taken the day before she was brought to the vet's to be lead into darkness due to terminal heart disease. They aren't very pretty. My ex has whatever photos of her that remain. I wish I had a few but best to just let the past be the past sometimes, you know?
Today, is cold and gray, and I have no reason to feel this way......I have a wonderful life now, and it seems a disservice to it to be like me sometimes.
But so help me God, I miss them.
I promise to return to part three of "a pre-raphaelite man in a playstation" world very soon. I just need a little time to organize myself for it.